Fiercely Independent

I've been called independent before. Often, actually. For better or worse, dependence is something I actively avoid. When I feel like I'm drinking too much coffee, I stop cold turkey for a week - just to prove to myself that I can do it. When I have a headache, or pain of any sort ... I avoid taking ibprofin at all costs. And while I thoroughly enjoy people and being around them, I hesitate to depend on anyone. I will use my phone/GPS for directions instead of asking for them. I use ATMs/online banking instead of going in to see a bank teller. I take public transportation (or walk) instead of rides from other people if I can't drive. I'm a bit of a control freak when it comes to my independence.

This has come up a lot recently, as people have been shocked with how much I travel to the variety of places I go for work. I can figure things out for myself with relative ease. Each week is a new place. Being unmarried, without children, and living alone does make it easier to wander. Nothing misses me except the kitchen sink (and any dishes that may hang out there). 

I'm also a big fan of How I Met Your Mother. So when I was too lazy to get out of bed this morning, I took a quiz online to confirm my suspicions that I'm most similar to Robin Scherbatzky. 

"Fiercely independent, you have a hard time letting people into your inner circle. But once someone makes the cut, you’re ready to drop the gloves and fight for them at a moment’s notice. You know that there’s nothing better than a nice glass of scotch while smoking a cigar. Now let’s go to the mall, dammit!"

So I hate malls, but I did dress up as Robin Sparkles for costume day at work...and I haven't quite discovered a love for scotch yet, but I do enjoy my whiskey. Fiercely independent is what caught me off guard. Sounds aggressive and almost harsh. Hopefully it's in the best way. I don't like to be exclusive about "inner circles" but do hope friends of mine think I'd drop anything to be there for them, I would. And my aversion to dependence, may be in line with "fiercely independent" .. but I don't love labels.

Dependent and Independent are both labels that scare me a little bit. I like doing and being, and thinking in spectrum verses trying to figure out what to call it or being boxed in to a label. Family labels are fine, those I was born with - I will never stop being a daughter, sister, granddaughter. I avoid membership in organizations, although I contribute to and actively participate in many. Being completely dependent, or independent... extrovert or introvert... or even being a "member" to an organization feels weird to me. Which is a little contradictory... because I love self assessments which typically give you a box, letter, color, animal, etc. that you are. I also tend to be a pretty even mix of two ... even my subconscious, personality, and communication style don't like being labeled. I like being Tanya - and my freedom of choice to live in a meaningful way.

At the end of the day, I do appreciate that I can take care of myself and feel in control of my own happiness, choices, and situation. I wish society was less label obsessed and we could all be considered for our unique story and person - so much conflict, judgement, and misunderstanding could be avoided. Thinking such a thing will one day be true is kind of like wishing for "world peace" ... but one can dream, right?